So this is it. I've continually put it off for as long as possible. But it's Saturday night and I don't have much more time. I don't know why I'm so scared of it... everyone grows up, everyone does this! It's not that I don't know that... I'm not quite sure what it is. All I know is that this means I am "Grown-up Ali" now, and there's no going back. This part of my life is complete and it's time to move on.
My mom and I gathered up all my stuff last Wednesday and took it down to the new apartment (it doesn't feel right to call it mine yet). We loaded the cars slowly but surely, taking one load after another down. I tried so hard to hold it together, to be excited for this change. But each step I took got harder and harder as I realized I was really moving out and away from the most amazing family on this Earth. When I looked at my mom and realized she was in tears too, I wondered why I was even doing this...
"No one ever said it would be this hard."
Sometimes I just want to be a little kid again
"...to go back to the start."
I need them... I don't want to leave yet.
But I know it's time...
Goodbye room and closets and bed.
Goodbye nightly family dinners.
Goodbye morning walks with my sweet mama every day.
Goodbye to Trey's shiny quarters and rocks and to Dax's never-ending questions.
Goodbye to joking and teasing from Bray, Matt, and Coley all the time (I secretly love it).
Goodbye to Dad's late-night text messages reminding me to squeeze his hand to let him know I'm home safely and in for the night.
And goodbye to much, much more.
I'll miss you while I'm gone.
But I WILL be back (and often!).
I'm still your daughter, sister, and niece;
I'm still your grandaughter, cousin, and friend.
I'm moving on to another chapter of my life.
I'm not closing the book but simply turing the page.
Wish me luck, and I'll see all of you soon!
xo-Ali
You made me cry! I know the feeling, even tho it was a long time ago when I first felt it. Good luck to you at school - Jay and I have 8 more weeks from today and then we'll be home and we hope you come up and see us often! You are in our prayers! Love you, Sister Bryner
ReplyDeleteWell. That made me cry too...(again)! It is sad and it is HARD. But it is ok because it is TIME for you. This is YOUR time! And you are so lucky because it is one of the most exciting times you will ever have. I love you and we will always be here for you. I'm only a text away haha! I love you! Thanks for this post.
ReplyDeleteThis is really dad, but it's Sunday night and it's just hitting me that my oldest child and only daughter just left my house today. I know that you will come back sometimes, but I have an empty space in my heart tonight. I can't stand to see you grow up Ali. I am so proud of everything that you are and that you stand for. I am proud to be your dad. I want to see you succeed in life, but I also want to keep my family together under the same roof at night and I am afraid as of tonight, I won't be able to see that much more. I love you, Ali and no dad could be more happy and proud of his daughter than I am for you. Maybe you will have to text me at the end of your dates instead of squeezing my hand at night. Just know that your dad loves you more than life itself.
ReplyDeleteso proud of you! you are growing up and it's scary but GOOD and you are brave! can't wait to hear all about how school is goinng! :)
ReplyDeleteLOVE YOU.